Tuesday, April 04, 2006

10:19 AM - reminiscing...

i was rummaging through my livejournal and have decided to link some of my entries that i haven't cross-posted here...

Note: these entries are not arranged in chronological order

the day i wanted to go to school

my take on the divine comedy...

swing life away

what about love?

at ako'y inanod

ang sarili mong mundo

still...

ang pagkabata

my answers to neil's questions

my answers to yriz's questions

my answers to eena's questions

strike2

love is huwat?

bloopers in preschool

a dream is a wish your heart makes

stuck

i try to love you even if you won't

patuloy na nahuhulog at unti-unting bumabagsak

lumulubog

if love is blind...

yes..i know...makeso na..oo...eh ganun eh...dramateeks pare...hehe...
i'm just doing this for closure....

| Permanent Link

Monday, April 03, 2006

11:34 PM - scribbles...

o2-22-06

like a shadow at your side
nowhere to go, nowhere to hide
i am here yet you don't see me
still amidst your presence i will always be

as you look up at the sky
and watch out to see him fly
i stare at your heavenly smile
as i wish that your gaze was mine

o3-01-06

like little children
innocent and ignorant of what's to come
we unmask the night
and bare ourselves vulnerable
endless nights of playing with sweet slumber
as naked i wait for you in the dark

no expectations
no glimmer of light can see through it
still a masquerade of innuendoes
that brings about subconscious confusion
still playing it innocent and ignorant
like a game that will last for eternity
with no one victorious in the end

an endless abyss of layers of cold hard cement
that i fall into and land...breaking my fall
breaking every part of me
yet any brokenness cannot stop what caused my fall
so the cold hard cement breaks my fall for eternity
hoping you could end this cycle

| Permanent Link

Sunday, April 02, 2006

9:17 AM - underneath the moonlit sky...

february 7

another requiem to bid farewell to everything we had...
a requiem that keeps on playing in my head...
thought i said goodbye but instead
it looks like i'll keep on coming back for more...
for more tears to shed...

what used to be vivid images
now slowly turns into a blur
everything now fades away
as if it were all just a daze...

february 8

when i fall i fall hard
unfortunately i'm not used to being caught
so i always fall face first
on the cold cement floor

i now cautiously watch my step
every now and then
for no one else other than myself...
will pick me up from this mess that i made

so tell me..
how could it be..
you're here...
tell me...
what should i expect?
cause apparently..
i'm not used to the thought
of you and me...

so what else is there..
cause i just can't comprehend..
how something like this could happen..
and of all people..to me..
cause apparently..
i'm not used to the idea
of you and me...

unanswered calls..
silent replies..
an open hand...
now gone in a memory..
a life anew
with you

march 23 am

falling so unexpectedly...
yet falling so fast..
falling even further...
into a cycle of emotions and thoughts...

allowing to penetrate my defenses
inch by inch..
the closer we get..
the more confusion swallows me whole

still having a struggle
with moving forward
to close the gap
and forget a bitter past

yet open to everything you give me
and doors welcoming your arrival
into this possible tryst
that i slowly and unknowingly have taken a leap into

all this to start a life...
a love...
anew..
with you...

| Permanent Link

Friday, December 02, 2005

10:36 AM - so after 28 months...that's 2 years and 4 months...grabe..

i give up...
and this time...i mean it...

wala na talagang patutunguhan to..
at alam kong i don't have as much effect on her as i used to have 2 years ago..
i don't have that much effect on her as much as others have now...
iba talaga ang ngiti niya pag....----...ang pinaguusapan...
iba..

ako ung andun lagi at nakikita siyang ngumiti...
siyempre...kasi lagi ko siyang inaabangan at ang kanyang mga ngiti..kahit di halata..
at siyempre alam ko din ang dahilan kung bakit siya nakangiti...

minsan iniisip ko..masaya akong nakikita siyang nakangiti...
pero bakit sadyang may kalungkutan sa aking kalooban...
dahil alam ko nga ang sanhi ng kanyang mga ngiti..

mas mabuti pa nga ata kung kaibigan at kaibigan lang nga talaga ang turing ko sa yo..
at hindi na sana humantong sa isang bagay na nagsimula nang di ko namamalayan...
mahigit 2 taon nang nakalipas..

i guess what i'm trying to say is that..
i'll just pretend that this...never happened..
what i've been feeling for 28 months..i never felt...

magpapanggap nalang ako na sa 28 buwan na tayo'y nagkakilala...
hindi kita minahal ...

kakalimutan ko nalang na sa 28 buwang nagdaan...mahal kita...

| Permanent Link

Sunday, November 27, 2005

12:40 PM - cavern paintings...

so here are my supposedly blog entries while i was living under a rock...

august 31, 2005 - 12:52 am

langit ang nadarama sa piling mo
ngunit sa aking pag gising
ako'y muling mahuhulog sa lupa
at patuloy na aasang makasama ka muli sa alapaap

dingin mo sana ang aking panalangin
bigyang tugon ang aking mga hiling
wag mo sana akong iwanan sa ereng
nagiisa..nalulumbay..at umaasa..
umaasang bibigyang katuparan
ng isang anghel ang aking mga panaginip
patuloy na lamang bang iidlip..
patuloy na lamang bang mangangarap ng gising...
patuloy na lamang bang titingala sa mga bitwin
na kailanman, di ko matatanto..
patuloy na lamang bang mananaginip
na kailanman di magkakatotoo
dahil alam kong ako'y di para sa iyo...
nang sinabi mo na hindi ako ang mahal mo..
alam kong hindi ako ang mahal mo...

september 2

there's no better way to say i love you than i hate you

you take my breath away
so suffocating
my heart beats faster whenever you're around
it could stop any time now

i'm getting tired of waiting
to the point of breaking down
breakdown right in front of you
so you could see
that
i've been dying for so long
until when will you stop killing
my soul
tying me down
and breaking me apart..

your indifference cuts through my wrist
and straight to my heart
you just cut me off..
cutting me out..

i can't take this anymore..
but still..
you take my breath away..
to the point of asphyxiation..

september 9 - 10:37pm
how come loving you makes it difficult for me to say that i do
how come it is easier for me to say goodbye, take care and how are you..
when i can't even say i love you
which is what my heart has been screaming out for years
but i just can't find the words..
the right time..to tell you..to let you know..
that the sound of your name is all that i long for..
that your voice is all that i'm dying to hear..
that your face is all that i dream about..
that your lips are all that my mouth is craving for..
that you are all that i need...
that you are the only one who makes me feel this way..
you and only you...
all this time..and always will be..
you and only you...

(ayokong sabihin ang petsa kung kelan ko ito sinulat dahil baka maisip niyo kung sino siya e...)

i told her everything.
i told her everything i couldn't tell anyone.
i bore myself naked in front of her
for she had neither expectations nor demands from me.
i saw her for all she was
and loved everything,
taking her both at her best and at her worst...everything.
time was all we had.

now time has passed.
and slowly the distance is greater.
i now reminisce...
i saw her for all she was...did she even take a glimpse of me?
i loved everything about her...i still do...
but could she have loved me back? well, i guess it doesn't matter.

but then, from a great distance, i can still see her.
but now the clock is slowly ticking to our end.
time will soon be gone.
and now i am caught in a dilemma as i drown in a sea of regrets..
i told her everything...
i told her how i felt about everything..
i told her how i loved everything about that one person...
i told her how that one person meant everything to me...
i told her everything...
everything except..
that she was that one person....
and she is and always will be that one person...

well, as you are reading this..
i hope that you have already realized it by now..
that all this time...
that one person is YOU.

*this is something that i wish i could have given to her but unfortunately i don't have the courage to do so...hopefully she'll be able to read it, though she'll never realize that i wrote it for her...*

october 26 - 12:38am
you saw right through me...
but i guess i didn't see it coming..
i guess i didn't see you..at all..

too caught up with an endless past
though amidst your presence
i guess i didn't see you..
as she doesn't see me..at all...

like playful silhouettes in the dark
but vivid conversations lie awake
in a vague reflection of what to come

broken as we are,
shards of glass mirror the glints of light
in this endless night...

unconsciously falling...
in a narcotic daze
foresight's useless now
so naked i wait...

| Permanent Link

Monday, August 08, 2005

12:31 PM - buti pa ang uod...8 ang puso...sana ako rin..para may natitira pa akong 7...

staring at my wall..
i intend to feel nothing..
but painted memories of you have not yet gone dry..

i thought it was over..
last year, 6 months ago...last week..
until i felt that my pillow's stll wet from all the tears that i've cried..

i know that i can't completely erase your name in my thoughts..
i know that i can't blur you out of my sight..
cause i know that even if i do that..you'll always be at the back of my mind..

a disillusioned romantic i am..
for i have given up on you and have faced the hopeless reality..
yet i continue to love you....

********
i've never said nor thought that i'm in love with you.. because for one, that could mean that i could fall out of love for you...and for another, because 'with' would mean that it goes both ways...but in this case..i only love you...
********

| Permanent Link

Monday, June 20, 2005

1:13 AM - a fete to remember...haha..

hehe..grabe..walang tulugan..hehe..basta..update ko nalang to..tsaka na..hehe..

| Permanent Link