I used to think that I forced myself to be numb because I was afraid of getting hurt. But that's not the case cause I'm already used to the pain. My tolerance for it is pretty high, both physically and emotionally. What I fear most is admitting to myself how I feel because once I do that, I'll realize how deeply I've fallen and there's no getting out of it. And usually, when that happens, I always end up being some kind of martyr, bearing the pain just to keep whatever relationship I have with that person. I don't want to put myself through that cause I know that I'm the only one hurting myself.
I really don't know where this is going. I neither want to assume nor hope. I'm just trying to be a really good friend cause I guess that's all I'll ever be to you.
