a wishful thinker with the worst intentions...

reminiscing...

2006-04-04T10:19:00.000-07:00

i was rummaging through my livejournal and have decided to link some of my entries that i haven't cross-posted here...

Note: these entries are not arranged in chronological order

the day i wanted to go to school

my take on the divine comedy...

swing life away

what about love?

at ako'y inanod

ang sarili mong mundo

still...

ang pagkabata

my answers to neil's questions

my answers to yriz's questions

my answers to eena's questions

strike2

love is huwat?

bloopers in preschool

a dream is a wish your heart makes

stuck

i try to love you even if you won't

patuloy na nahuhulog at unti-unting bumabagsak

lumulubog

if love is blind...

yes..i know...makeso na..oo...eh ganun eh...dramateeks pare...hehe...
i'm just doing this for closure....

scribbles...

2006-04-03T23:34:00.000-07:00

o2-22-06

like a shadow at your side
nowhere to go, nowhere to hide
i am here yet you don't see me
still amidst your presence i will always be

as you look up at the sky
and watch out to see him fly
i stare at your heavenly smile
as i wish that your gaze was mine

o3-01-06

like little children
innocent and ignorant of what's to come
we unmask the night
and bare ourselves vulnerable
endless nights of playing with sweet slumber
as naked i wait for you in the dark

no expectations
no glimmer of light can see through it
still a masquerade of innuendoes
that brings about subconscious confusion
still playing it innocent and ignorant
like a game that will last for eternity
with no one victorious in the end

an endless abyss of layers of cold hard cement
that i fall into and land...breaking my fall
breaking every part of me
yet any brokenness cannot stop what caused my fall
so the cold hard cement breaks my fall for eternity
hoping you could end this cycle

underneath the moonlit sky...

2006-04-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

february 7

another requiem to bid farewell to everything we had...
a requiem that keeps on playing in my head...
thought i said goodbye but instead
it looks like i'll keep on coming back for more...
for more tears to shed...

what used to be vivid images
now slowly turns into a blur
everything now fades away
as if it were all just a daze...

february 8

when i fall i fall hard
unfortunately i'm not used to being caught
so i always fall face first
on the cold cement floor

i now cautiously watch my step
every now and then
for no one else other than myself...
will pick me up from this mess that i made

so tell me..
how could it be..
you're here...
tell me...
what should i expect?
cause apparently..
i'm not used to the thought
of you and me...

so what else is there..
cause i just can't comprehend..
how something like this could happen..
and of all people..to me..
cause apparently..
i'm not used to the idea
of you and me...

unanswered calls..
silent replies..
an open hand...
now gone in a memory..
a life anew
with you

march 23 am

falling so unexpectedly...
yet falling so fast..
falling even further...
into a cycle of emotions and thoughts...

allowing to penetrate my defenses
inch by inch..
the closer we get..
the more confusion swallows me whole

still having a struggle
with moving forward
to close the gap
and forget a bitter past

yet open to everything you give me
and doors welcoming your arrival
into this possible tryst
that i slowly and unknowingly have taken a leap into

all this to start a life...
a love...
anew..
with you...

so after 28 months...that's 2 years and 4 months...grabe..

2005-12-02T10:36:00.000-08:00

i give up...
and this time...i mean it...

wala na talagang patutunguhan to..
at alam kong i don't have as much effect on her as i used to have 2 years ago..
i don't have that much effect on her as much as others have now...
iba talaga ang ngiti niya pag....----...ang pinaguusapan...
iba..

ako ung andun lagi at nakikita siyang ngumiti...
siyempre...kasi lagi ko siyang inaabangan at ang kanyang mga ngiti..kahit di halata..
at siyempre alam ko din ang dahilan kung bakit siya nakangiti...

minsan iniisip ko..masaya akong nakikita siyang nakangiti...
pero bakit sadyang may kalungkutan sa aking kalooban...
dahil alam ko nga ang sanhi ng kanyang mga ngiti..

mas mabuti pa nga ata kung kaibigan at kaibigan lang nga talaga ang turing ko sa yo..
at hindi na sana humantong sa isang bagay na nagsimula nang di ko namamalayan...
mahigit 2 taon nang nakalipas..

i guess what i'm trying to say is that..
i'll just pretend that this...never happened..
what i've been feeling for 28 months..i never felt...

magpapanggap nalang ako na sa 28 buwan na tayo'y nagkakilala...
hindi kita minahal ...

kakalimutan ko nalang na sa 28 buwang nagdaan...mahal kita...

cavern paintings...

2005-11-27T12:40:00.000-08:00

so here are my supposedly blog entries while i was living under a rock...

august 31, 2005 - 12:52 am

langit ang nadarama sa piling mo
ngunit sa aking pag gising
ako'y muling mahuhulog sa lupa
at patuloy na aasang makasama ka muli sa alapaap

dingin mo sana ang aking panalangin
bigyang tugon ang aking mga hiling
wag mo sana akong iwanan sa ereng
nagiisa..nalulumbay..at umaasa..
umaasang bibigyang katuparan
ng isang anghel ang aking mga panaginip
patuloy na lamang bang iidlip..
patuloy na lamang bang mangangarap ng gising...
patuloy na lamang bang titingala sa mga bitwin
na kailanman, di ko matatanto..
patuloy na lamang bang mananaginip
na kailanman di magkakatotoo
dahil alam kong ako'y di para sa iyo...
nang sinabi mo na hindi ako ang mahal mo..
alam kong hindi ako ang mahal mo...

september 2

there's no better way to say i love you than i hate you

you take my breath away
so suffocating
my heart beats faster whenever you're around
it could stop any time now

i'm getting tired of waiting
to the point of breaking down
breakdown right in front of you
so you could see
that
i've been dying for so long
until when will you stop killing
my soul
tying me down
and breaking me apart..

your indifference cuts through my wrist
and straight to my heart
you just cut me off..
cutting me out..

i can't take this anymore..
but still..
you take my breath away..
to the point of asphyxiation..

september 9 - 10:37pm
how come loving you makes it difficult for me to say that i do
how come it is easier for me to say goodbye, take care and how are you..
when i can't even say i love you
which is what my heart has been screaming out for years
but i just can't find the words..
the right time..to tell you..to let you know..
that the sound of your name is all that i long for..
that your voice is all that i'm dying to hear..
that your face is all that i dream about..
that your lips are all that my mouth is craving for..
that you are all that i need...
that you are the only one who makes me feel this way..
you and only you...
all this time..and always will be..
you and only you...

(ayokong sabihin ang petsa kung kelan ko ito sinulat dahil baka maisip niyo kung sino siya e...)

i told her everything.
i told her everything i couldn't tell anyone.
i bore myself naked in front of her
for she had neither expectations nor demands from me.
i saw her for all she was
and loved everything,
taking her both at her best and at her worst...everything.
time was all we had.

now time has passed.
and slowly the distance is greater.
i now reminisce...
i saw her for all she was...did she even take a glimpse of me?
i loved everything about her...i still do...
but could she have loved me back? well, i guess it doesn't matter.

but then, from a great distance, i can still see her.
but now the clock is slowly ticking to our end.
time will soon be gone.
and now i am caught in a dilemma as i drown in a sea of regrets..
i told her everything...
i told her how i felt about everything..
i told her how i loved everything about that one person...
i told her how that one person meant everything to me...
i told her everything...
everything except..
that she was that one person....
and she is and always will be that one person...

well, as you are reading this..
i hope that you have already realized it by now..
that all this time...
that one person is YOU.

*this is something that i wish i could have given to her but unfortunately i don't have the courage to do so...hopefully she'll be able to read it, though she'll never realize that i wrote it for her...*

october 26 - 12:38am
you saw right through me...
but i guess i didn't see it coming..
i guess i didn't see you..at all..

too caught up with an endless past
though amidst your presence
i guess i didn't see you..
as she doesn't see me..at all...

like playful silhouettes in the dark
but vivid conversations lie awake
in a vague reflection of what to come

broken as we are,
shards of glass mirror the glints of light
in this endless night...

unconsciously falling...
in a narcotic daze
foresight's useless now
so naked i wait...

buti pa ang uod...8 ang puso...sana ako rin..para may natitira pa akong 7...

2005-08-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

staring at my wall..
i intend to feel nothing..
but painted memories of you have not yet gone dry..

i thought it was over..
last year, 6 months ago...last week..
until i felt that my pillow's stll wet from all the tears that i've cried..

i know that i can't completely erase your name in my thoughts..
i know that i can't blur you out of my sight..
cause i know that even if i do that..you'll always be at the back of my mind..

a disillusioned romantic i am..
for i have given up on you and have faced the hopeless reality..
yet i continue to love you....

********
i've never said nor thought that i'm in love with you.. because for one, that could mean that i could fall out of love for you...and for another, because 'with' would mean that it goes both ways...but in this case..i only love you...
********

a fete to remember...haha..

2005-06-20T01:13:00.000-07:00

hehe..grabe..walang tulugan..hehe..basta..update ko nalang to..tsaka na..hehe..

torpe o torpedo...

2005-06-18T03:48:00.000-07:00

hmm..this thought just bothers me...pano kung torpe ka..tapos ang alam mo..ung taong mahal mo..sabihin nating kaibigan mo..tapos ang alam mo..iba ung mahal niya..siyempre.. magpaparaya ka..kaibigan mo e..tapos di mo alam..ikaw pala mahal niya..kaso..torpe din siya..(oo na..this can only happen in my sick twisted world..sa aking paaralan lang talaga maaari ito mangyari....haha...2 taong torpe?!..babae o lalaki?..both?..may i use the lifeline?..haha..hindi ko rin alam e..haha..sa panahong ito..di mo na rin iyon matitiyak..haha..)..kasi siyempre..magkaibigan kayo...baka mailang ka..kaya ayan..torpe kayong pareho..

nakupo..good luck nalang sa inyong dalawa...

ano nga bang mas mainam, maging torpe o maging torpedo..?

i know extremes yan at parehong di kaaya-aya kung iisipin..
hay, but i have to start thinking black and white again..(hindi saint paul ha!)..

we had our first meeting for argumentation and debate this afternoon...takte..

i have conviction..i have persuasion...but my ideas and beliefs belong to gray areas and cannot be classified into two sides..

you can say that i'm being luke warm...well i have more conviction and i have my own perspective...luke warm would be one of the last words that you can describe me with...(the others are: feminine, flirt, and the list goes on..)..

i love debating..seriously..i have considered joining fsd when i was a freshman..but i guess there's something else for me out there..

hopefully, my stuttering a&d prof won't give me any reasons to start hating the subject...

oh well...i'll cut him some slack..it's not easy having 85% of 300+ teenage girls (equivalent to millions of raging hormones...) drooling and going gaga over you...

haha..peace lang children..hehe..natatawa lang talaga ako e..sensya na at alam niyo naman na di ko talaga makita ang nakikita niyo..hey..i'm nearsighted...hehe...

sige..bahala na..haha..

magbabasa na ako ng crime and punishment...hehe..

draw a conclusion...eto lapis...pano kaya maiguguhit ung gyroscope at maipapakita ang kaibahan ng bilis ng pag-ikot ng 2 set-ups ang gyroscope...takte! di ako nakakain ng lunch..obvious ba?! haha...grabe..bawal akong tumira ng hello..hehe..naaliw ako masyado sa gyroscope ha..hehe...

do you want POWER?!!!

haha..

ewan ko...

2005-06-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

napapalingon tuwing ika'y dumadaan
napapangiti hindi ko alam ang dahilan
alam kong hindi pepwedeng maging tayo
pero minsan ay nagiiba...
ang ikot ng mundo...

bihira..pero pag andyan ka..iba talaga...un ang namiss ko sa yo..

lalo na pag nag-uusap tayo..pero di na kasing dalas tulad ng dati..

dati...parang may sariling mundo tayo..tapos isang nilalang lamang ang nakakaalam ng ating mga pinaguusapan maliban sa ating dalawa...

ang tagal na nun kung titignan mo ang panahon..pero kung iisipin natin..parang kailan lang ang mga panahong ganoon tayo kalapit sa isa't isa...

kahit gano kahectic ang araw ko..konti lang at napapangit mo na ako at nabubuhayan na ako...

sabi ko isusuko ko na ito..oo..tapos na un...pero namimiss ko lang talaga ung dati..

ayun...haha..ewan ko..haha...sa soap dish...hehe...

ayan..susunod naman..baka naman ng stonefree...haha...abangan...haha..

haha...

2005-06-12T02:38:00.000-07:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

i am officially a narcoleptic...

2005-06-10T00:09:00.000-07:00

the truth is..

i slept twice in class today..

and it's just the second day!

i unintentionally slept in math while ms. rivera was talking about relations and was about to reintroduce functions..ayun...ang bigat ng ulo ko..
tapos nung lumapit na si ms. rivera sa computer...nagising ako..

at nagsimula na ang jokes kay bobby jr...

hehe..

ayoko nang ikwento ung sa filipino...takte...grabe..ayun..mabigat na talaga ang mata at ulo ko...

un lang muna..

oo nga pala...nakuha ko na ang vid ng prom namin..haha..

pwede ba?! magrexona naman kayo o!

2005-06-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

hay...badtrip! first day palang..sira na!

maayos na sana ung simula..ok lang kahit si mj ang adviser ko...kasi di ko naman siya teacher sa advanced algebra e...
si sir velarde ang CCO..si kat na ang bagong presidente ng SCT...
nagkausap kami ni pammy..

ayun...ok lang naman..

kaso..ayun..kitangkita na hiwalay ang seniors..

hating-hati..

ayoko ko rin classmates ko..as usual..maingay..at may mga taong..takte! subok na ng panahon na balahura...

hay..tapos..2hours ng CL..hay..social ethics kuno...they can continue to hide it with the word "ethics"..but still..it cannot stop the wreaking stench that is the narrow-minded hypocrite...the Church.. and man! it is so mandatory..especially the parish involvement..

look..i am not an atheist...i believe in God... but i refuse to belive in the sanctity of the officials Church..
because as much as they say that the Church is blessed and guided by God..it doesn't necessarily mean that all these orders and decisions were invoked by God...free will exists..and God lets us follow it..no matter how twisted the way people think nowadays..that includes the everyone..

i have learned the essentials in my faith.. i would love to study theology..but not in such a way that they dictate what they think is right...it should be subjective..or else..it will just be christian living...it not social ethics!

sister said it herself...the grading system for ''social ethics" is subjective.. so they're grading us based on what they think our attitude is? well who are they to do that...it would be like judging us based on what they think is right...well, as what i have said in one of my earlier posts..not everything is black and white...i believe that it is a case to case basis...

and about basing 20% of our grade is based on our parish involvement..well i'm glad that at least..she is aware how difficult it is...not everyone has a parish that they can easily join in or a parish that can provide activities for such...

still..it should not be mandatory..nor should it have such gravity on our grades...sure...social awareness is good...but enforcing such..is just not right..free will remember...we do help our communities..it may not be in the way the school wants it to be..still we our part...it may not have anything to do with the parish but why should we just keep ourselves isolated there..

hmph..they're just irrationally demanding..

miss cusi's not my advance algebra prof...badtrip!

and nor is miss calayo my english prof...ultimate badtrip!

and just great!

to top it all off...

we're not going to discuss dante alighieri's inferno!

gumuho nalang ang mundo ko!

they have just eradicated one of the most essential literary discussions in the fourth year english curriculum..

it's like what they did last year...

they replaced macbeth with hamlet! man!

they replaced my favorite shakespearean tragedy with another that has a one of shakespeare's protagonists that i despise the most...

and that is first day of my senior year for you...

such a hostile environment that i feel like i'm inhaling poisonous gases from the people and my damned situation that the spawns have worsened...

blah!

and now that summer is over...

2005-06-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

haha..

ayoko pang pumasok..

gusto ko pang mag-gig..ituloy ang barracuda escapades..

hehe..

ililigaw nanaman kasi ako ng school..

and again..for the 3rd time in my hs life...
the admin..refuses to acknowledge my existence...

hulaan nalang ang room ko bukas..haha..

hay..

grabe..di pa ako handang harapin ang pagiging senior citizen ko sa campus..

humaygad! no more prospects!

i'm left with children!!! haha...

hehe...grabe..

sana kayanin ko ang responsibilidad ko ngayong taon..

haha..can't afford to be as laid back as before..hehe..may club na nakasalalay sa aking mga kamay...hehe..

grabe..

may thesis na..may naisip na akong thesis na nababagay sa akin..at makakasabay sa aking gig sked..haha..

hmmm..sino kaya ang pwedeng sumama sa kin sa aking college escapades..?

lalo na pag nilakbay ko ang katipunan hanggang taft kapag kukunin ko na at isusubmit ang aking app forms...hehe.. kasi naman...ung mga kaibigan ko..nakupo...di pa pinapayagang magcommute.. hay..

sige...ayus lang..ako lang magisa..hehe..
pero sana matulungan ako ng mga ~~nakatatandang~~ kaibigan ko...hehe..pagkatapos ng hirit na un..ewan ko kung tutulungan pa nila ako..haha...

basta ayun..hehe..hay...

not everything is black and white...

2005-05-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

welcome to the sea of gray*....haha..journalism jargons...langya..haha..

but seriously...

you cannot say whether something is right or wrong just because of what a person did...

it's a case to case basis...

i try to broaden my point of view...

both sides have their points..

nakupo..this could work both to my advantage and disadvantage if ever i decide to become a lawyer...

haha...

hay...

another thing...the Church...
i believe in God....but then..i don't believe in the Church...

they're also people...and they're so narrow-minded..

they're the ones who get to decide what is right or wrong for our religion?

they're the ones who decided which book should be in the Bible...?

and now...we have a conservative pope....
man, why did they choose a person with such bad credentials to become pope..
seriously...

i want pope john paul II back..he was a worldly pope..he was open to people of all races..he respected all religions and beliefs...

hmmm..next topic...suicide..
only a few people would be able to understand the reasonable causes of suicide..
experiences...solitude...abhorrence...

at times..yes..it is cowardice..like you're running away from your problems....
but in situations wherein people are the ones who are already pushing you to do it..
wherein you no longer see anything good in the world around you...when no one trully understands you...when you think that the world will be a better place without you...

and why should we let others affect us...to commit such an act...
well..it is inevitable to be affected by others since we are social beings...and whatever good we do shall cause a ripple effect unto others and even society...and so will whatever evil we do...

am i trying to justify suicide...
yes..i am trying to justify the reasons of those souls that have gone from this world due to society's indifference and oblivion...

these souls do not deserve to be called cowards..
for they were brave enough to see beyond society's facade...
they tried to go against it..
unfortunately...their being could not withstand the society's endless chastisement to their soul..just for being unique...just for being different...just for having eyes that can see society's true vindictive brutal form...

but i tell you..not all suicidal cases have reasonable causes...
but then again...who are we to say what is reasonble and what is not...

again...not everything is black and white...

there will always be seas of gray...

hopefully....i have given it a new meaning...and so it will not as empty as it seems....

*sea of gray-journalism jargon for the empty spaces in a newspaper...

haven't spoken a word since last night...

2005-05-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

just wondering...

what is it that people need more?

people who love them...

or

people who understand them...

love and understand are two different words...

come on...

just because you love someone doesn't necessarily mean you understand them..

and if you think about it...

in most suicidal cases...they kill themselves not because they are unloved..

there are people who love them...

it's just that no one knows them...no one understands them...

understanding is more difficult than loving...

people say..i understand...but do they really do so?

i mean..truly understand...

i've kept my silence...

i guess it's because i finally realized that..

what's the point of saying anything if no one's even listening...

if no one will be able to understand...

truth be told..i've never been grounded in my entire life..

this is the first time...

gusto ko magkacrush sa lalaki...not gonna happen! haha..

2005-05-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

hehe...

ung huli kong crush na lalaki..mga first year pa ako nun..

ang dami na ring false alarms pero...ayun...wala pa rin..

ung isa nga last february lang e..haha..sobrang false alarm! haha..

at ngayong senior na ako...langya...hay...

ang labo na mangyari!

kanina...nakita ko ung stat ni jm...

langya...

love without complications galore...

shit! coin operated boy!

hay...pano nga kung ganun...you can only find the perfection of love from a lifeless object..

parang sinabi na rin na perfect love is non-existent..

but then again..perfection is relative..

and so is the contentment of people...

and i'm not demanding...

it's just that the attraction towards the opposite sex is nowhere to be found..

but seriously...i want a coin operated boy...

hay..ang lala..

2005-05-22T03:30:00.000-07:00

i just feel like i want to fall from a 100 storey building...

but before doing so...i'd want to record my final words...

my last chance...probably this time..i'll finally sound profound...haha..

ayoko ng hale pero ito ang unang linyang pumasok sa utak ko...

still i see..the tears from your eyes..

the hell with you...

you never saw the tears i've cried...

no one ever could...

everyone continues to be oblivious to the truth behind my tears...

hay...madrama ako ngayon ha...

hope my dad will forget that i'm grounded...

ok lang naman na magcommute ako e...

kahit sa cubao pa ako..ok lang..

hay...

kagagaling lang ng gweilo's...

2005-05-20T03:21:00.000-07:00

laugh trip talaga si monty!
lupit ng mayonnaise
haha..
astig talaga ng 13 needles!
aliw ang mongkeyspank
at may sakit ang hale!

haha...mas gusto ko ung version ng mayo ng broken sonnet!
ok ung patalim!
haha...galing ng cover ng 13 needles ng kanta ng muse..haha..nakalimutan ko na ung title..haha..ayun..stockholm syndrome! hehe...

hehe..natapos ko na idl ang vid ng tbs na you're so last summer..sobrang benta kasi ng negro..haha..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hay...nakakapagod na ang ginagawa ko sa sarili ko...
sana lang di ka tuluyang mahulog sa kanya...
para di ka bumagsak at masaktan...
sana...hayaan mong ika'y aking saluhin..

2005-05-19T03:23:00.000-07:00

solitude...

this intoxicating feeling continues to swallow me whole...

as i lie here in oblivion...

stuck in today's reality...

still lost in nowhere...

seeking for solace

in the arms of solidarity

of people like us...

alone...

lost in reality..

stuck in oblivion....

waiting to be found nowhere...

sabihin mo

2005-05-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

hehe...lss ko ngayon ang "sabihin mo" ng hemp republic...

for no reason at all..haha..

seryoso...nakakalss lang talaga...

hehe...

bibili na ako ulit ng mga cds mamaya or maybe tomorrow..haha...

basta..hehe..ewan ko kung iipunin ko pa ung 3k ko kasi..

ang daming magagandang albums e...

hehe...

gigs for may...

2005-05-12T03:21:00.000-07:00

13needles
May 13 - Splitcide EP Launch, Gweilos Libis
May 19 - Gweilos Eastwood
May 20 - Laguna (to be arranged)
May 30 - Gweilos Eastwood

chicosci
May 13 - Woodrose / Freedom Bar
May 14 - Super X Pampanga
May 21 - Puerto Galera
Hunyo 01 - Mayrics

mayonnaise
May 13 - Pioneer center, Pasig / Hampton court, Alabang
May 18 - Fiesta Pasiklab, Greyhoundz album launch
May26 - Mayrics, Espana
May 28 - Padi's Point,Monumento

mojofly
12(Thu) 930pm Aruba @ Metrowalk, Meralco Avenue Pasig
13 (Fri) 11pm 99.5 RT's Ripe Tomatoes @ Pioneer Center, Mandaluyong
17 (Tue) 1030pm Unplugged @ Adriatico, Malate
19 (Thu) 930pm Aruba @ Metrowalk, Meralco Avenue Pasig
20 (Fri) 7pm Jam 88.3's 1st Jam Music Fest @ Fort Plaza
20 (Fri) 10pm 99.5 RT @ Bagaberde
24 (Tue) 1030pm Unplugged @ Adriatico, Malate
26 (Thu) 6pm Netopia event @ Glorietta Activity Center
26 (Thu) 930pm Aruba @ Metrowalk, Meralco Avenue Pasig27 (Fri) 99.5 RT @ Capone's
28 (Sat) 9pm NU Live @ Hard Rock Cafe
31 (Tue) 1030pm Unplugged @ Adriatico, Malate
JUNE
03 (Fri) 11pm Rack's @ El Pueblo Pasig
JULY
04 (Mon) MTV @ Clark Pampanga
08 (Fri) East Avenue Medical Center
21 (Thu) Virgin Cafe
29 (Fri) 8pm MOJOFLY NOW Album Launch Concert @ Music Museum

severo
13- saguijo, makati
31 - saguijo, makati

sponge cola
May 13 - 99.5 RT event @ Pioneer Center, Pasig 11pm
May 20 - Jam 88.3 event @ The Fort Plaza
May 14 - Campus Radio event @ Lucban, Quezon
May 13 - 99.5 RT event @ Pioneer Center, Pasig 11pm
May 20 - Jam 88.3 event @ The Fort Plaza
May 27 - Netopia Gaming Finals @ Glorietta Activity Center 6pm

PROSPECTS ARE DISTRACTIONS...

2005-05-12T02:17:00.000-07:00

well sa akin..that's the case..

anything just to get me out of this abyss...

unfortunately...prospects will continue and remain to be prospects for certain rules that i follow..

like..not having a crush on prospects/crushes of friends...

being as cold as ice in situations that call for such....

basta..marami pa..but i will not expound on it...

iba na pag gumaganda ka sa mata ng lasing..haha..

2005-05-12T01:55:00.000-07:00

kagagaling ko lang sa kaarawan ni ate angel...

grabe..18 na siya! ligal na! hehe..

grabe...3k...in one night...

for just sitting there and drinking..hehe..

galing..buenas talaga ako..hehe..

meron na akong pera para lumabas..

pwede ring pangbili ng cds...

at pwede ring pangbili ng bass guitar...

hehe..

galing ni LORD...

salamat na rin sa booze...hehe...

salamat kay tito jun...

hehe...

parang ako tuloy ung nagbirthday...hehe...

i'm sinking even deeper...

2005-05-11T03:25:00.000-07:00

into obscurity..

i've let this feeling go already..
yet...still, it just keeps on coming back..
the longing..the depression..

bakit sa tuwing gusto ko maging masaya..
ako mismo ay nagdidilang anghel...
ngunit para sa ibang tao..
at ako'y patuloy nang nalulugmok sa mundo ko ng kalungkutan..

i'm such a cynic..yet..it seems as if i still am hoping for her to see me more than what she is used to..

why can't i just let her go..i already did just a couple of months ago...
at least i thought i did...

now..i still have my barriers that protect me from falling again into the same situation...again..my cynic ways..

but still..all that i feel for her...is eating me up inside...

why am i back where i was before...
why can't i get out of this abyss...
why do i continue to fall for her...
why can't i just find someone else to fall for...

bakit pag umibig ka...siya lang talaga ang nakikita mo..
tama nga mga kaibigan ko..parang ung kabayo sa kalesa...
tinatakpan ang gilid ng mga mata nila upang ang kalsada lang ang tanging makita nila..
sa akin..ganun na nga..siya lang ang nakikita ko...
kahit na anong pilit ko na tumingin sa iba...
walang kawala...

pano naman kasi..una...una...una...
di ko na ba maiiwasan ito...

i know that i can never be enough to replace your whatever...

shall i let go...
let go and free myself from drowning again in your sea of oblivion..
or
let go of my defenses...and just let myself continue to fall into an abyss of illusional hope that your eyes will meet mine and see me as i see you....

this all was only wishful thinking...

2005-05-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

where did it all go?

everything now is all a blur..

as if it were all just a dream..

and you were never there to begin with..

well...if it were a dream..

i wish that i could stay in endless slumber...

ang gasgas na ng linyang yan...

cori..kailangan pa bang imemorize yan?

haha..

matauhan ka nga!

hirap e...

kita mo na...kinakausap mo na sarili mo e...

ok lang..wala naman kasing ibang makausap tungkol dito..wala na nga kasi siya...

kung sabagay..takbuhan ka lagi kaya di ka makakwento kasi madedepress lang sila at ang babaw lang din ng problema mo...kasi wala ka naman talagang ginawa..kinimkim mo kasi...

kaya nga..pero ok lang nga na maging takbuhan..kahit paano..nakakalimot na rin..

oo..ok rin..pero nakakamiss nga siya noh...ung makakausap mo sa mga bagay-bagay na ganito..kahit indirectly..kahit na hindi niya alam na tungkol sa kanya ang lahat...

sana ay...makilala kang muli..tulad ng dati...

pero parang hanggang panaginip lang ngang talaga ito...

gusto ko ulit matulog...

kaso insomniac ka di ba...

oo nga...

pero babalikan ka rin ng pagiging narcoleptic mo...

hay...

a disillusioned romantic

2005-05-10T03:30:00.000-07:00

such a paradoxical description for a paradox such as myself...

hey! what can i say..those two words just suit me all too well...

disillusioned..
by my cynic ways..
by my cold and numb heart..
by my walls of defenses...
by the nymph's reply to the shepherd...
by celia..
by hopelessness..
by unreciprocated,unrequited love..
by music..
by emo...
by her...

a romantic..
for disney...
for sonnets..
for hope..
for dreaming..
for an imaginative world..
for songs for celia..
for the passionate shepherd to his love..
for ben johnson..
for elizabeth browning..
for pablo neruda..
for shakespeare..
for poetry..
for literature..
for passion..
for julia...
for meg..
for sandra..
for hunger...
for music....
for emo...

all for her..

i wish you weren't worth the wait..

pics lang...

2005-05-09T04:57:00.000-07:00

i now have a photobucket account...

you can view some of the pictures that i took during my stay in bacolod

simply click here

di ako nageedit ng pics ko e...hehe..kaya dambuhala..haha...tsaka nalang siguro pa trip ko na...haha..

nakakatawa ang mga bagong bata...

2005-05-09T03:50:00.000-07:00

haha...

expression lang ung bata ha...

haha...

pero laugh trip talaga...seryoso..haha...di nga?! haha..

labo men!

haha..naligaw ata...

mukha pang obsessed...pero sobrang naligaw talaga!

haha...

nakakatawa lang talaga e..

hahaha...

grrr...

2005-05-09T03:15:00.000-07:00

gusto kong sumapak ng tao..sobra...

gusto kong umupak ng tao ngayon...

isang taong nanggigilaiti talaga ako...

masyadong feeling e...

matauhan ka nga!

taena...nakakarindi talaga...

feeling mo close tayo?!

nge...hindi noh!

feeling mo kilala mo na ako?!

hindi talaga!

di ako ganun kababaw!
di ako madrama tulad mo!

wala akong paki sa sasabihin ng tao sa akin...
basta wag lang akong plastikan..
kahit galit pa sa akin...ok lang harapharapan...
pero wala talaga akong paki!
di ganun kababa ang self esteem ko noh!

ayaw kitang kausap!

kilala ko ang sarili ko...
kahit na mukhang nalilito ako sa kasarian ko..
wala naman akong paki doon..
basta.kilala ko ang sarili ko at kung ano ang gusto ko maging...

i don't wanna be anything other than what i'm trying to be lately...
i don't wanna be anything other than me...

dahil alam kong mas praning ang mga babae...
mga kaibigan kong babae..wag kayong mag-alala...wala sa inyo ang pinariringgan ko nito...

nanggigilaiti lang talaga ako sa galit...

ayaw ko kasi talaga sa yo!

magcomment kayo kung gusto niyo..

rewind..

2005-05-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

dahil gusto ko lang irepost mga tula ko dito..un lang..hehe..

the fallen angel in my purple skies...

Just got out of a tower of eighteen
Merely a week has passed and I'm back where i was before
For when I last fell, it was unforseen
Here, back in the same place, but knocking on a different door.

Your unorthodox ways underneath the purple skies
Slowly drown me in amusement
Intrigued by your devious smiles
Still believe that you're heavensent

Smoke gets into my eyes
Blinded by your gazing stare
The world around me slowly dies
Just one look from a fallen angel will show me that you care

As I look down, i see an abyss below me
Should I hang on, or should I take a fall and forever let it be

ang mundo na bubog na sa pasakit...

sumuko na...
ang mga sugat na natamo...
naghilom man...
nag-iwan pa rin ng kanilang bakas sa 'king alaala...
patuloy pa rin bang aasa?
patuloy pa rin bang maghihintay?
o mananatili na lang bang walang laman...
ang puwang sa puso ko...
na sa iyo na inilaan..

ydegartfoseyeehtdniheb

veiled in rotting silence
tears unseen by all eyes
failed to be noticed by the one who matters
concealed by numbness
yet vulnerable still
a naked heart left to be broken
over and over as time worsens everything...
something as awful as change...
continues to break us apart
all these walls crumble down
and back to the lachrymose falls that flow towards an empty sea
an endless state of decadence
here, i'll forever be...

here i go again...

here lies in front of me
a blank page..
as blank as i can be...
drowning in infinite vacuousness...
drunk with confusion...
yet thirsts for something surreal...
the blank canvass is not so blank anymore..
now filled with words
from the heart that now lies alone in emptiness...

such an abyss...

2005-05-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

it is true...we do hurt the ones we love..
it is inevitable..

it's like a ring that you can't get out of...
a chasm that you fall into and can't get out of..

we unintentionally hurt them because we love them and they get hurt because they too love us...
and when they ge hurt..we too feel their pain...
and the cause of their pain is us...
so it all boils down to love=pain...

well...not exactly..

love also means that you share your happiness..
you can be yourself...your bettered self..

un lang..haha..di ko trip magpakaprofound ngayon..haha...

happy nanays day!

bagong kapraningan....

2005-05-06T01:38:00.000-07:00

naramdaman mo na ba na mayroong taong naiinis sa iyo...
ung may conspiracy laban sa iyo...
o di kaya..isang taong secretly galit sa yo..
o naiinis...oo...feeling mo ikaw ang pinapatamaan..

minsan..di mo pinapansin..
pero...nakakapraning talaga...

paranoia easily gets to me...
i am so vulnerable to it...
but then i pretend that it is non-existent...
so i hide behind a mask of security..

well what's the point of it all?
i just don't let it get into my core and swallow me whole
but it all is a burden to me..
it will always be at the back of my head...
whispering words that will drown me forever
unless i stop over-thinking things..
such bane it is..

habang nagliliwaliw sa kawalan...

2005-05-06T01:29:00.000-07:00

nakita ko ang folder ko ng aking mga kabaliwan...

punong puno ng mga notepad files ng aking mga tula na nagagawa ko kapag wala akong maatupag at nakabukas ang aking pc...

ito ang ilan...

dash

can't forget
yellow and red
you just passed me by
dashing through the finish line

here i am again
things are still the same
just a blur to you
too slow for you i am

running through the lanes
of a recent memory
like my thoughts of you
lingers on...lingers on...

fade1

still reminiscin'
bout you and the dress that you were wearin'
the sun shines through the green
so transparent are my stares and glances
still opaque you are
can't get thru to you
so far that i can't see
left i am
nothing that i can do

fade2

you were right in front of me
but still i couldn't see
that in itself was fate
who says that we were meant to be

your words still echo in my ear
so loud that i did not hear
the whispers of destiny, its endless calls
that brought us here

ang kalawakan ng aking katauhan

sinasabing isa akong kabuktutan
dahil ba ako'y di lubos na maintindihan
o di kaya'y salungat lang ako sa nakagawian
di nagpapadala sa agos ng karagatan

isang punong di magpapaihip
mayrooong kakaibang pag-iisip
walang makapagdidikta ng ano man
mayroong sariling sagot sa mga katanungan

malamig at nagiinit
mapusok at tahimik
liwanag at dilim
naririndim

magkasalungat ngunit nagiisa lang
posible ba ito?
sa king katauhan ang kasagutan
imulat mo ang iyong mata sa lahat ng ito

kaliluhan

di na pasasawi
sa iyong mga ngiti
di na padadala
sa iyong ganda

nakita ko na
sa iyong mga mata
ang kaliluhan
sa tunay mong katauhan

sa mapanlinlang mong anyo
ako'y nabihag mo
ngayo'y malaya na
di na mahuhulog pa

di na paaakit
sa iyong mga tingin
di na maniniwala
sa iyong mga salita

ngunit ang puso kong sawi
hanggang ngayo'y nananatili
sa iyong alaala

nais ko nang lumaya....

no longer

you've cast a shadow upon my soul
leaving me with nothing but darkness
i can barely hear your fading call
i'm now blind and utterless

i can no longer feel you here
now nonexistent
i can no longer feel you here
only a living memory
i can no longer feel you here
can't you just stay with me
and we'll find our way out of here
together unendlessly

sabak

handa ka na bang sumabak sa tunay na takbo ng buhay
di mo mapapansin ang bilis ng panahon, oras ay untiunting mawawalay

salungat

wari di ko malaman
kung bakit ba ako andito
wari di ko maintindihan
kung saan tayo tutungo

ang tangi ko lang alam
ay ikaw ang dahilan

tatlong buwan ang nagdaan
di ka na maailis sa king isipan
laging nananabik, laging nagaabang
upang ikaw ay masilayan

tingin

sa iyo ako'y isang anino sa dilim
di mo makita di mapansin
sa iyong mga tingin
di mapalayo,ako'y tuluyan mo nang lunurin

writer's block

flipping through the pages
of an unfinished novel
no words can tell
and in memories of you i still dwell

ripping these pages to forget
still, like the way you've torn me apart
now left to pick up the pages
the pieces of my heart

every word becomes a new beginning
to a story without ending

reached out to grab a pen
tried to paint a picture of a memory
but now left with black and white
my canvass tells a new story

inspired by a lesbian couple riding a jeep...both in sweet slumber...

2005-05-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

nais kong matulog...
mahimbing...mahimlay...
sa iyong tabi...

maidlip sa iyong balikat..
kahit sandali...

sabay tayong lilipad sa langit..
magkasamang lilisanin ang mundo..
kahit saglit..

ngunit sa pagpara..
kailangan nating bumaba..
bakit pa?
bakit di tayo pwedeng manatili..
sa sandaling ito..na titigil ang pagpatak ng oras..
ngunit tayo's lalabas sa sarili nating mundo..
at haharapin ang kaguluhan..

EGG ROLL: Isang Pakikipagsapalaran...

2005-05-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

nagising ako ng 12nn kahapon..

haha..di pa ako nakkatulog magmula non...haha..

bale nung hapon..nagjeep ako patungong crame upang makasakay sa bus patungo namang bicutan...hehe..grabe..pahirapan..hehe..hamon ito!

ayun..nakarating naman ako sa sm bicutan ng matiwasay..nagtungo ako sa jollibee at kumain ng chicken torpedo...wala pa si neil..tumawag naman ako...hehe..malalate daw siya...at nasa sm na daw si jm..text ko daw...haha..sabi ko naman sige...tanga ka cori...wala pala akong numero ni jm! hahaha!

tapos ayun...buti nalang sinabi na ni neil kay jm na andun na daw ako sa jollibee...haha...
ayun..habang nakaupo at nakatingin sa malayo..bigla nalang...may tumalon sa aking harapan!
si jm! paano ko naman di mapapansin un noh! 6 footer kasi un..

haha..biglang hirit niya..pareho tayo ng suot!...haha...oo, pareho kami ng porma..
black t shirt...at green baggy pants..haha...mukha daw kaming mga rebelde..hahaha...
and to think..nung huli naming gimik..nakapula kaming pareho..pati si joyce..di talaga sinasadya...haha...naks..parehong wavelength! haha...

ayun..dumating si neil..haha..tinawanan kami..haha...tapos tinawagan si aik para sabihin na mag-itim siya..haha..lahat daw kasi kami nakaputi..haha..si neil lang actually un..haha...
napaisip ako..mukha kaming oreo cookie! hahaha...
pero grabe talaga noh! pareho kami ni jm ng suot?! haha..and to think na tungkol sa aming mga pagkakaiba ang testimony ni jm sa akin..haha..aliw talaga...

at ayun...naggrocery kami ng makakain at ng alcohol..haha..bawal daw sabi ni rach ang beer..vodka cruiser lang daw..e ang mahal..haha..

bumili kami ng beer in cans kasi wala silang nasa bote...tapos sabi namin itatago nalang namin sa bags at ihahalo sa softdrinks kaya bumili rin kami ng pepsi ice mint...hehe...aliw na aliw naman dito si neil...

tapos chips..haha..ang mahal ng ruffles! hehe...kaya iba nalang..jack and jill...hehe...
tapos hati hati kaming tatlo sa bayad..tapos may 100 pa kami...ipinangbili namin ng vodka cruiser para kay rach..isa lang ha..haha..ito namang si neil...natetempt bumili ng P100 chicken..
haha..kasi tinanong pa namin si rach kung anong flavor gusto niya..hehe..ayaw magreply....pero ayun..ano nga ba ang mas matimbang?! haha..

tapos nagjeep na kami papuntang alabang...tapos nagtricycle patungong hillsborough..haha..
ayun...hehe..astig talaga ng street ni rach..hehe..woodstock! haha..rocker talaga...hehe..

tapos ayun...kumain kami ng dinner..hehe...nakakaconscious ang mga titig ni rach..nacoconscious tuloy si neil..haha..

si rach..may natural high talaga..haha..wala pang alcohol...nag-eegg roll na! haha...si neil..sinusubukan naman..haha...ano kayang nahithit o tinira ni rach?! haha...may natural alcohol in the system! haha...

ayun...one tree hill marathon ito..haha..nacoconvert na sina neil at jm..haha..tutok na tutok!

tapos nanood kami ng mga vid na dl ni jm..hehe..saya! astig talaga..aliw talaga ako pag napapanood ko kasi ung i'm not okay ng my chemical romance..hehe...
tapos ung sa APC...3 libras..grabe..gothic!..dami pa kaming pinanood..haha..tulad ng favor house atlantic ng coheed and cambria...haha...ang kulit! pang soundtrip lang talaga kasi maiinis ka sa pagmumukha ng vox..haha...anong ginawa niya? kumain ng helium gas??! haha..

pero ang pinaka benta ay ung vid ng you're so last summer ng taking back sunday..hehe..
laugh trip talaga ung negro! masisindak kang talaga! haha..
SHE SAID DON'T!!!..haha...

tutankina! bakit walang mtv2 sa pinas?!

nalss din ako sa theme ng one tree hill...i don't wanna be anything other than what i'm trying to be lately...hehe...

tapos...ayun...kakaunti lang kami..tinamad ang mga tao at may inasikaso..haha..

pero ayun..konti pa talaga kami..tapos si nina..ayun..nasa baywalk pa..haha..pinanood pa ang ikalawang set ng hale..haha..

tapos inihatid pa siya ni kuya champ..haha...pinagtritripan nga namin nila rach,jm,neil,at ako...ang broken sonnet at kung ano ang ginawa nila nina at champ...i want champ kuno..haha..sabi ni jm...jollibee is open 24 hours..haha..
tapos..naks..nasa passenger's seat ha..haha..

kaso may badminton pa si rach the next day..kaya...ayun..maaga pa siya dapat gumising..kaya kailangan niya nang matulog..kaya itinuloy na namin sa bahay ni neil ang inuman..haha...
at naghintay kami ng matagal upang may dumaan na jeep na masasakyan namin..haha...

di na namin hinintay si nina...haha..nakarating na kami sa kanila neil....wala pa si nina.haha..hinatid ni champ sa hillsborough..haha...ayun..ang bilis nga lang niya nakakuha ng jeep..haha..

ayun..nakarating na si nina..haha..at nagkwento..haha..
may barkada daw na dumaan sa baywalk habang tumutugtog ang hale...sabi ba naman o..
uy! galing naman nila magcover!...haha..kinocover na pala ang sariling mong kanta..haha..
sabi din ni nina na narinig pa nila champ sa radio ung broken sonnet..haha..ililipat sana ni champ kaso..ipinabalik ni nina..haha...

ayun...U.B.E. na kami..haha...

ang saya talaga pag konti lang..haha...joke pa nga namin..haha..champ..sama ka naman sa inuman namin..haha...

haha...ang saya talaga...walang tulugan!

sinikatan na kami ng araw..ayun..kwentuhan pa rin..
dapat aalis na kami pag bukas na ang mrt ng 5am..hehe..
umalis kami mga 6am na...haha..
si nina na sobrang sipag..haha...ayun..balik sa farther south..
kami ni jm..nagjeep patungong mrt..haha..narcoleptic nanaman ako!
haha..tapos ayun..haha..

saya talaga!

the best ever!

egg roll!!!!

nakakapraning 2: so....i will just remain oblivious...to free myself from paranoia...

2005-05-04T04:55:00.000-07:00

eto un e..alam ko ang malagay sa sitwasyong hindi mo masabi ung gusto mong sabihin..
ung di mo mapadama kung ano ang nararamdaman mo sa isang tao..
torpe kasi ako..
oo na...hindi ako lalaki..pero..alam ko..kasi babae din naman ang gusto ko ha...
at alam ko din na di hanggang dito lang kami..di na hihigit pa dito..
dito at dito lang..

at ung pinost ni jm na tungkol sa adrenaline rush..imomodify ko lang ha..
mas adrenaline rush ung seconds before confessing to your close friend that you love her...knowing that she doesn't love you back...pero bakit ka nga naman magcoconfess kung alam mo namang wala talaga..unrequited...unreciprocated..(langya..song to celia..is that you?!)..
kasi kadalasan sa panahong ito..itatago mo nalang...ikikimkim..pero ilalabas mo din..sasabihin mo din para kahit paano guminhawa ang pakiramdam mo..pero may consequences nga lang kasi maiilang siya at baka masira t tuluyang maglaho ang pagkakaibigan niyo..
kaya back to square one..itatago mo nalang sa sarili mo na mahal mo siya at mananatiling kuntento na nakakasama mo siya lagi kahit hanggang kaibigan lang ang nararamdaman niya para sa yo...

though..sa akin..mas mahalaga ang pagiging kaibgan ko sa kanya kaysa nararamdaman ko kasi mas matimbang ang pagkakaibigan para sa akin kaysa sa pag-ibig...pero masakit pa rin e kasi mahirap kung ikaw ung tulay,pader,anino niya...ngayon di na..

at ngayon din naman..di na rin kami ganon kadalas na magkasama..ibang tao na e...
kaya nga gusto kong bumalik ang mga bagay tulad ng dati..pero..di pwede un e..

pero napaisip din ako lately...
kasi inaasar ako nitong si ry..(gago ka!)
tapos ung bet pang pasimuno ni neil (gago ka dude! pero di kasing gago ni ry!)
at ung pinagusapan namin ni gil tungkol sa bisexuality...

ano bang problema niyo?! ha?!
e sa mas gusto ko ang mga babae...e sa di na ako magkagusto-gusto sa lalaki...
huling nangyari un mga 2 taon na ang nakararaan..mga 1st pa ata ako nun...

sabi ni gil..
na kadalasan daw, ung mga bi at mga tibo..ung mga one of the guys..
nagiging babae..o ginagawang babae ng mga kaibigan nilang lalaki..
ako kasi...kahit anong gawin nila..di naman un sa kung anong gawin nila..
depende un sa akin...pag hinarap ko na babae ako..o pag hinarap ko ang pagkatao ko..

ito namang si neil...
sinasabi na may manliligaw din daw sa akin..
may magkakagusto din sa akin..
na lalaki..
nangyari na nga un..pero nung kinder pa ako nun..
at tinadyakan ko sa likod ang una't huling lalaking nanligaw sa akin..
malay ko ba naman kung ma nagkakagusto sa aking lalaki...babae lang alam ko e...
at malabo mangyari un kasi di naman ako ung tipo na magugustuhan..
ang linya ko ngang...
i'm not a guy's girlfriend...i'm a guy's bestfriend.."

eto nga..kung may magkagusto sa akin..babae man o lalaki...
parang ayoko na may magkagusto sa akin...labo noh!
kasi ayokong makasakit ng tao...
alam ko kasi siyempre ung napagdadaanan niya di ba...
e ayoko namang piliting mahalin sa ganoong paraan ang taong iyon dahil lang sa awa...
it is inevitable to hurt someone...

pero paano nga kung mangyari nga noh...ito ang kapraningan ko...
kasi kahit malabo man mangyari...malay natin di ba?!

kung babae...sana ung taong gusto ko di ba..pero un talaga ang malabong malabong mangyari...
kung lalaki naman..ayokong makasakit ng damdamin...hirap e...

maalaga ako sa mga kaibigan ko..
pero ung malambing? di rin ako PDA...ni DA lang nga di ko kaya...public pa kaya!

hindi talaga ako girlfriend material..

masaya ako sa kung ano ako ngayon...anuman ako ngayon..
basta ang alam ko..tapat ako magmahal ng tao...
hindi dahil sa kasarian niya..kundi dahil sa pagkatao niya...

nakakapraning...

2005-05-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

ang mga blog ko ay di mawawalan ng mga posts na puno ng kapraningan...

sadyang baliw nga talaga ako!

paranoid delusional psycho nga!

kanina...ayun..nagtungo kaming g4...

facis and campers' U.B.E. (ultimate bonding experience) ito!!!

hehe..timezone..superbowl...salamat kay kuya ejay!!! hapi!!!

pero grabe..e dumiretso ako kanina sa g4 at nauna..kaya nagtungo ako ng national bookstore...

halos maglalaway na ako sa ultimate guide to x-men..
crime and punishment...at a portrait of an artist as a young man...for 99 pesos pareho..
magandang kopya ng after eden..hehe...
kumpletong edgar allan poe..
at mga librong gusto ko sanang bilhin at basahin kung may pera lang sana ako..

pero dahil kakaunti lang dala ko...ayun...

pero masaya talagang kasama ang mga facis at campers!!!

kwela! asaran! kodakan!

iya? lougee? asan na kayo?

hehe..

ayun..hirap nito ha..

kakaiba nga ang coed environment...
haha..i mean pag kasama mo ay halos kasing edad mo, mas bata ng isang taon, mas matanda ng isa hanggang tatlong taon...hehe...PEDO!!!! (di tulad ng barracuda na ako ang pinakabata sa grupo...)

haha...

CRADLE SNATCHERS 2!!!! (hehe..1 ung sa summer camp e..hehe...)

daming nabuong love teams..hahaha...

pero siyempre...exempted ako diyan! haha..hirap kong i-classify e...haha...

saya!!!

nakakapraning...bakit?

ewan ko..kung ano-ano ang pumapasok sa utak ko e..di mo naman ako masisisi...kasi di ako sanay sa ganitong kapaligiran...haha..

may mga bagay na parang mapapawari-wari ka..pero ayoko nang pagnilay-nilayan pa...mas maprapraning ako..gusto ko..pabayaan nalang...kung mangyayari ang kapraningan ko..di mangyayari...pero kung hindi..sayang naman ung oras na nalaan sa pagiging praning ko di ba...

so....i will just remain oblivious...to free myself from paranoia...

ayoko na e...

haha...oo nga pala..pauwi, kasabay ko si gil sa mrt papuntang cubao..hinatid ko siya sa gateway sa lrt station doon..haha...ang gentleman ko noh! haha...ganyan ang ate! haha...kuyate pala...haha...

eto pa..

tanga ka cori! isa kang malaking hangal!!!

napanood ko nga pala ung bagong vid ng mayo..ung bakit part 2...

sinabi ko sa kanya na di pa rin nililikha ang katulad ko na parang timang...
at di mo pa rin maintindihan..

panama masyado!!!

at pagsapit ng gabi..ayun...siyempre online nanaman ako...
at check ng mail...
pagkakita na pagkakita..
una kong binuksan ay ung mensahe niya...
at ayun...minuramura ko nalang sarili ko...
gago ka cori!
bakit kasi e...
hari ka ng katorpehan cori!
namamatay na ang mga rosas sa tabi...di ka pa rin bumibili!
e ano nga naman ang mga rosas..namamatay nga di ba...
mabubusog ka ba? buti pa tsokolate! haha..

i can see you as you are..the times that we spent together..are the happiest by far...

remember me tomorrow as the days pass by..i wonder why you're so far and i ask you why...

too bad we could not be like normal friends..
too bad we had to end this way..
be certain i will never forget you...
i guess that it's time we say goodbye...

now i hear the questions inside my head...
it takes a lot of pressure to ignore instead..
i'm waiting for the righ time to be with you..
another chance forme to say i love you...

you're so far away..lift me up or tear me apart...

apektado pa ba?! kala ko tapos na e...di pa pala...
akala..akala..mamamatay na ako sa sobrang daming beses na ako'y nag-akala...
akala na tapos na..akala na ako'y bato na..akala na blangko na...akala na naglaho na..
hindi pa pala...

buti pa si aci..may bago...
ako kasi..hirap..lahat nalang..walang nagparamdam sa akin tulad ng napadama niya sa akin..
di man niya sinasadya o naisin...

ika nga sa after eden ni arnold arre..sa ikalawa sa huling pahina..(paraphased and tagalized)

ang mahulog para sa isang tao ay di inaasahan...
basta basta nalang yan darating...
palibhasa..nung nakilala ko siya di ko pa inkalang mangayayari sa kin un..
ayan nanaman ang akala...hmph..
e sa ngayon na alam ko na..mahirap nang mahulog pang muli...
kaya inuunahan ko na pigilan agad ang kung anumang masimulan...

ano nga ba ang mas malaking kahangalan...
ung di ka matuto sa dinanas mong pagdurusa sa pag-ibig kaya iibig kang muli...
o ung alam mo nang wala kang mapapala kundi pagdurusa sa pag-ibig pero dahil mahal mo siya..patuloy mo pa rin siyang mamahalin...?

parang pareho lang...kasi nagmamahal kang nakapikit ang iyong mga mata at naglalakad sa makitid na tulay na punong-puno ng mga pako...

ayokong maging tanga....pero un din ang aking kahahantungan kung ipagpapatuloy ko ang kahangalang ito...

eto nanaman...random thoughts...matagal ko nang gustong isulat ito..lalo na ung first 3 lines...(icons by rach)

2005-05-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

HEMORRHAGE...

i bit my lip...
i keep my silence
as i continue to bleed

these inner thoughts of you...
slowly rot in existence
such a bane in my system...

is all this not enough...
for you to know that i've been here all along

yet you can't see me
as i lie here..
as i die here..
constantly bleeding...
yet oblivious you are still...
for your eyes are set upon someone else..
as i lie here...
as i die here...
constantly bleeding..
constantly waiting...
for you to even just take notice
of your blades that caused my wounds...
your sharp words that cut into my wrist and straight to my heart...

when will your blinded eyes see..

the loss...
as i lie here..
as i die here...
constantly bleeding..
constantly waiting..

everything now slowly fades into a blur...
all the pain now ending...

PONKAN!

2005-04-26T01:06:00.000-07:00

haha....eto ako ngayon upang ipahayag ang aking mga hinaing at saloobin...
nakanang....taena....lalim!

hahaha...

pahirapan kapag late o wala faci ang iyong pangkat...

di nga?!

kaya..natuto kami ng "Maaraw na Ponkan" na maging responsableng mga bata na walang mga sumusubaybay...ngunit masaya rin dahil maraming mga faci din kaming nakasama at nakasalamuha...

masaya ito!

haha....

Mananalo kami!

pusang kinalbo! tutankina!

haha....nakakaaliw ang mga salitang ito....

haha...

pinakabibo at pinaka-laugh trip ang Madilaw na Ponkan....
benta ang mga biro ala mais....hahah...

di nga?!

haha....

U.B.E. na ito!!!

Ultimate bonding experience namin ito...lalo na nung nagtungo kami sa Kenny Rogers nung nakaraang lunes...may bitbit pa kaming mga lobo na kulay ponkan din...
subukan mong gumawa ng imahe ng mga sinasabi ko...
isang grupo ng mga batang nagliliwaliw sa may taft avenue...
lahat sila nakakulay ponkan na mga damit..
at may hawak pang mga ponkan na lobo!

haha...langya..parang rally, parada.....o kung anuman!

hahaha....

isang di malilimutang karanasan ito!

hahaha.....

a wishful thinker with the worst intentions....

2005-04-26T00:23:00.000-07:00

alam kong sawang sawa na kayo sa linyang ito sa blog ko...hahahaha...

hmm....

i was compelled to make this account due to certain unwishful circumstances such as....
being a narcoleptic....almost getting off at the wrong lrt station...and being one of the unfortunate late-comers to have to sign up for the module that was left...well..it's mandatory...

i'm not complaining...

it's just my wishes gone awry...

hehe...dramateeekkksssss!!!!!

so why am i here in the first place....

well to get things clear....

..i am currently a participant in the CCS Summer Camp 2005 of De La Salle University Manila...

it's something different for me this summer since i'm usually a professional bum during this time of the year....what can i say? it's my period of estivation....

so far...i am enjoying the experience....no matter how mind-boggling things can get....
ika nga nila...nakakasabaw ng utak! hahahaha....

but the thing is...it is a stepping stone towards the real world...whatever and wherever that is...

they say that summer campers have a greater chances in getting a scholarship in dlsu...
that i will certainly need....due to my family's current financial situaion and practicality....a full scholarship is something that will make me drop my maroon banner and change it to green and white....

question is...is com sci my choice?.....honestly..it is only one of my top 3 choices...
my parents are both into IT work...though they have never forced me to get into programming...
it had always been an option for me to stop studying and start working for my father...

but i have a problem seeing myself as a person who will sit in front of a monitor for 8 hours...but if i will persue such a career..i will most certainly take my chances in getting a scholarship in dlsu...

of course, it had always been clear to me that UP Diliman will be my first choice..since my father already made a deal with me to buy me a car if i get into the said school....
i am also a very persistent activist...hehehe...
so what course am i planning to take in UP...
it would be business management and or accountancy...
statistics or finances are also some of my options..

why? i plan to work in a bank for 15 years and be able to save money..enough to be able to open my own business...and whatever interest of mine that my business will be about..may it be photography, music, sports, or literature...a certain amount from my profit will be given to start a scholarship fund for less frotunate children...

naks! philanthropist!

just for wishful thinking's sake.....
i would want to take the following courses in college...
+political science(UP or ADMU)
+biology(UP)
+literature(both fil and english)(ADMU or UP)
+philosophy(ADMU or UP)
+psychology(ADMU)
+interdisciplinary studies(ADMU)
+film(UP)
+theater(ADMU)
+business administration(DLSU)

as you can see....most are AB courses which will not assure me of employment.....
other than being a teacher or going into medicine...
ano ako? burgis?!...wala akong pera tsong!

haha...

i'm just a wishful thinker with the worst intentions....